Friday, December 24, 2010

The 10 Worst Christmas Gifts

We've all gotten them. Those gifts that make you cringe on the inside, but that you "Oh so love" in the face of your relatives, coworkers, neighbors... In honor of these *ahem* unique presents, I have compiled a list (in order from bad to terribad) of the worst gifts of Christmas past (and, unfortunately, future.)

1. Fruitcake. Oh fru-it cake, oh fru-it cake, are we even supposed to eat you? Really, look it up. No one knows.

2. Matching sweaters- for you and your entire family. Picture time!

3. A hermit crab- No, not even for your neighborhood biology professor. It has no personality. It can pinch. People eat crabs.

4. The nonexchangeable gift- Because, honestly, how many of those gifts do you really keep?

5. The empty card- Unless it's attached to a gift, a card should be home to some dead presidents. (Now, please exclude this one if it's a homemade card from your grandchild, you greedy babyboomers you.)

6. The What is it? Gift- which you have to pretend to know exactly what is and and how you've been dying to get one. Yeah. Right.

7. Anything used for cleaning- Especially to a woman, this just says, "Get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich. Now!" Um yeah, how about never?

8. Socks, underwear, etc- Most definitely including the kind adorned with the cartoon characters of your youth and given to you in front of your new boyfriend. Hot.

9. Clothing two sizes too big- Just buy a scale, why don't ya?

and the inevitable...

10. The Regift- (to the tune of Do You Hear What I Hear?) "Didn't I give this last last year??"

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